I am house sitting, lying out on the back deck, passively stretching. The sun is all glare behind the clouds. I will be in the company of two cats and myself for four whole days.
I have a Project, so currently I am passively stretching with focus.
Being with complete Emptiness, being empty.
A moment presents. Vast as Openness. I find myself here. I hang out. I go more slack. My back has less arch. My hips fall. The roses look more red.
My internal whomever offers words that create substance. I like this. With those words I hold a space, have something impossible to hold and something completely possible to be. I breathe, rest, and be.
Sudden, startling, there is nothing pouring forth blinding white yellow, terrifying.
Empty has taken me here.
This is Love. I can barely stand it.
I feel my own feint, my own cheat, my own backing off.
Then a wave of invitation; my porcupine tension dissolves. I can welcome, see myself vast. Waiting disappears. I rest.
In this being present, I am real. So is Who I am, What I want, What I experience.
I do not find this easy. Monkey mind is all around, pushing. Still, these moments I visit me, and I relax.
The gift of knowing I am, as It is, Real.
‘Understanding Reality’ is often said to be impossible. Though I suspect “We cannot know” is just another story.
There is Unity. There is Playing In The Fields of Presence.
We can because we do.
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August 5, 2010 at 8:12 pm
james waite
Hi Christine, thanks for the satsang. It’s a wonder to see, isn’t it? And to admit more and more of that seeing! I also appreciate the careful paring and pairing of words you use to most clearly express this thing that’s far deeper and vaster then thought.
‘Understanding Reality’ is often said to be impossible. Though I suspect “We cannot know” is just another story.
There is Unity. There is Playing In The Fields of Presence.
Now you’re moving on your bike, luvy! I would only add that I have found it to be true that ” I cannot know.” That “knowing I cannot know” sorta comes from swimming in this Sea of Uncertainity, being all wet with it – and yet I find it impossible to discribe…certainly not with words.
Words, ie. thoughts, never conclude…arrive anywhere. Mind only almost endlessly sorts and files data it “believes” and “remembers.”
Reality, and the “knowing” of it, is not a thing mind can ever come to certainity about. It’s restless,moving by nature and disposition. There’s always something more for this mind/me to “understand”…to think about!
I point you to where my teacher pointed me: – keep opening to the question ” WHO (thinks she) knows what? Who thinks? Tip: you already know the answer! That’s the ride we’re all on, sweetee, and again I dispair of fragile words, but will love to pick up these threads verbally if the occasion arises.
You are beautiful.
James
August 6, 2010 at 5:26 am
Bill
Are you sure that there was not a Bodhi tree on the porch, not a pair of cats?
August 6, 2010 at 3:15 pm
CR Masterson
Buddha as cat. Quite apropos. At this very moment, I am watching the cat engaging the wall. Consciousness smiles, enjoying itself.
If one find it to ‘be true that I cannot know’, then you have found (you think), through experience, that you know something, eh? Congratulations!
Here is what I say: “Who knows?” Consciousness. Given the reality of Unity, I know.
I re-read my post. There is no mind there. There is no claim of currently understanding everything in in every moment.
As to anything: what use, defaulting imagination to a smaller aperture? I invite knowing Who I Am. To simultaneously invite myself to ‘not’ is counterproductive distraction.
There is more life in noticing what I can, rather than deciding what mind cannot.
More and more, I pay attention to Yes and I Can. So I ride the Waves of Willingness, Ability, and Noticing. Moments of Smile and New Dialogue, wordless and full, emerge.
I open, accepting It and myself as actual. The stretch is to breathe all the way into accepting, then choosing to live satsang as though it is relevant to daily material existence.
As YES, I experience Consciousness birthing Itself.
I sense myself invited, welcomed into a world receiving me. I notice I know. I notice I am enough.
Life is received. I am Christine.
The roses are even more red than the more red they were yesterday. I know knowing as I have not previously known.
September 10, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Bob Dwyer
Keep on keeping on! “We are not put on this Earth to “get it” – Lo Phan, Big Trouble in Little China.